Category: Uncategorized

Cuties

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here but I don’t know where else to go. I’m not creatively blocked, I have so many ideas and different outlets. Like do I blog? Do I make a tiktok? Do I Youtube? Fuck IG and FB tho hahahaha.

I’ve had some insomnia too. Like I can’t stop downloading info and it’s all bad. I just want to know all of it and I don’t know why. It’s like I’m addicted to News, but not mainstream media news, the actual News. You know, Twitter.

I got sucked into several Twitter rabbit holes including #CancelNetflix, which I did ages ago. I actually bought Netflix stock in my early 20s (10 years ago) and sold it when it was below $100. They still mailed DVDs at that point.

I recently submitted to a pitching competition where the prize is a chance to pitch to Netflix. The idea I pitched was legit so similar to the message of Cuties but I made my characters older teens who could be portrayed by adults in their 20s, like Zendaya. But my pitch has the same message about the oversexualization of children, it was mainly about social media though, not the competitive dancing world, which is actually SUPER problematic and should be looked at.

You don’t have to exploit children in the process of trying to make a statement about the exploitation of children. Ever since I started “working” in the entertainment industry (which was the day I was unknowingly cast in a hidden camera prank show and paid $30! My first paid TV gig lol), I have felt very uncomfortable consuming entertainment where children are the main actors. All the crew are adults and a set is no place even for an adult tbh.

What is sickening about all the Cuties footage is that those girls did multiple takes of these scenes and there was a bunch of crew watching these girls. I only found 2 of their ages- 14 and 12… that’s too young for touching their crotches and each other’s butts. It’s crazy how this got approved by so many people. The French be insane.

But seriously this footage is so disturbing and a sign of a greater problem.

Another thing I think about is how many truthers have been saying for YEARS that they’re trying to normalize pedophilia and it’s crazy how everything just keeps coming true. It felt good to see the outcry and that a country banned the movie. It rly is child porn 😦

but Netflix has been depraved for a while, and no one is talking about that. I mean the header on their twitter page is… Lucifer.

bruh 😭

Anyway, Mmmmkay-ultra.

omg.

I made this gif in 5 seconds, I love the internet.

My Own Personal Journey

I just got a really deep sharp pain in my right abdomen. I’ve reached the point in drinking when it doesn’t even get me drunk it just makes me sick. The pain was such a wake up call. Whenever I’m in physical pain I hate myself for not being more grateful every single second I’m not in physical pain. When I’m in physical pain I’m not in mental pain and I would much rather be in mental pain 100% of the time and physical pain 0% of the time than vice versa.

So there must be some type of meaning in that. Ugh. I hate that all I ever do is try to find meaning in things. It’s like an addiction. I don’t mean that I hate it. I don’t hate it. It’s awesome and has led me to crazy discoveries and a ridiculously interesting life, but… But nothing. I really don’t hate it. I hate when I try to rationalize sometimes saying things I don’t mean. Obviously I’m going to say things I don’t mean and so are other people. Because we’re all brainwashed.

Except I wonder about people who maybe aren’t brainwashed, like the ones doing the brainwashing. I wonder… do they mean everything they say?

I think about the ways in which I deceive the different parts of myself. I have so many different sides and personalities. I’ve been excessively documenting myself, like everyone else, because social media, and unlike other people there is no consistency in my image or personality. Like I’m just all over the fucking place with no rhyme or rhythm, I have some constants but really I’m constantly ebbing and flowing and evolving. I see myself evolving.

I’ve been taking selfies since before social media. I was taking selfies when it was considered gauche to do so. Don’t you have any friends to take a picture of you? That was a genuine thing people thought.

Or did I think they thought that.

Anyway, selfies are part of the norm now and that’s a relief.

I bought these shoes 2 years ago but was embarrassed to wear them because no one else was wearing them. Now they have a name and are trendy so I wear them now. They’re called creepers. Creepers weren’t a thing when I bought them. Selfies weren’t a thing when I took them all the time pre-instagram.

fn6zbo-l-610x610-shoes-platform+shoes-miley+cyrus-creepers.jpg
I bought my creepers before Miley Cyrus wore them at the 2014 VMAs. Mine look just like that but blue w black platform. 

Apparently stars like Miley, Rihanna and Carley Rae Jepson have been rocking them since 2011. Well I was homeless in 2011.

This devolved fast. Craving a drink, even after the pain attack. Will hold off for 40 more minutes.

Getting Sleep After Asssscat 3000 02/14/2016

Dear Diary,

Screen Shot 2016-02-16 at 1.32.49 PM.png

Monologist: CECILY STRONG

Shannon
Sagher
Brandon Scott Jones
Connor
Brian McCann

Improv Elements: Shannon O’Neill, Tami Sagher,Brandon Scott Jones, Connor Ratliff, Brian McCann, Lydia Hensler, Rebecca Drysdale

Suggestions: Carotene, I forgot the second one 😦

I got to the line at 7:40 and was number 49. The weirdest thing is they used a postcard I have gotten before and and it was the same number. Not only was it the same number, they put the number sticker on the exact same spot, so it just looks like I reused the same card. That is some divine universal like coincidence. If I had gotten to the line mere seconds later, I would have been number 51. Twin cards!

I was working the NY Play Fair this day. I worked an absurd 21 hours in 2 days, so I was exhausted. I was rethinking everything, going to Asssscat every week, getting out of the hood, my relationship. It was bad. Just, why do anything if the only result is exhaustion?

So it was nice to get a Cecily Strong when I was really close to not going. For all your pain and suffering, your reward is another SNL cast member. To remind me why I got into all of this and UCB in the first place. The Goal. I like to keep my plans and goals secret until they’ve reached fruition because that’s a law of power I really believe in. People have a way of poisoning your plans/goals if they’re too lofty.

Unfortunately I was so tired I never got to writing about this show so this post is a week late. I’m writing during the hour wait for the 2/21/16 Asssscat. I’m at Vivi Bubble Tea drinking a passion fruit green tea and they’re playing Formation by Beyoncé. I have to keep the faith.

Memory really does fade with time and my memory is particularly fadey so I literally don’t remember a single thing about last week’s Asssscat except that Cecily Strong was there.

I do remember the audience member Divya who volunteered during the opening with Shannon and Brandon to meet someone. I find myself remembering the openings more than the improv. Divya was from Texas and a badass physician’s assistant, her words. Shannon asked her what she had on her dating profile and it was that she was a badass PA. It was Valentine’s Day, so they were trying to set up a pair of audience members. They had her with her back facing the audience so we couldn’t see what she looked like. Then they asked if anyone in the audience was interested. It ended up being 16 year old kid. It was weird.

I was so tired last week I was thinking of leaving during the second half. I didn’t because there was a guy sitting in the stair pathway and I got anxious thinking about saying excuse me. Fighting anxiety takes a lot of energy, when I’m tired I’m useless.

As I was standing in the Asssscat line tonight I was wondering if I should stop doing this, going to Asssscat and writing a journal entry about it after. But I can’t stop. I’ve come this far. I think as long as I remember I’m doing this for me, so I can commit to something, which is the first step to getting out of the hood, I can do it. I was a week late but here is my diary entry for Asssscat 2/14/2016.

Some rando just smiled at me through the window at Vivi’s. He thinks I can get out of the hood.